Amid all the pomp and circumstance of the wedding ceremony, we can overlook the fact that a man is immediately given the enormous title of husband. Unfortunately today, too many women are getting married without taking enough time to discover if that man’s character can sustain those responsibilities. The hard truth is that men are not properly trained nor have they experienced many successful models of marriage. The alarming rise in single parent, female head of households means that boys have not had male role models of leadership inside the home. We grow up to excel in all sorts of occupations, but we have not learned to apply these leadership skills in the home. The result is that women have had to step in to fill leadership roles that biblically and traditionally men are supposed to occupy.
These responsibilities come by way of a man’s positional authority as Prophet, Priest and King of the home. Among those responsibilities are to protect, set goals, be a blessing, create opportunities and organize the family unit. What ends up happening because of abuse of authority is that men use their power of influence to control, dominate, create insecurity and stifle their wife’s participation in decision making.
But God is good, merciful, and in his infinite wisdom, works on a husband in the harness of responsibility. Wives participate in transforming their husbands into the leaders they are called to be by giving them personal authority over their lives. Whereas positional authority is inherited, delegated by a higher authority, or taken by force, personal authority is granted to the leader by the people who are called to follow him. Personal authority is earned by the leader through trust. Trust is established through demonstrating relevance, competence, good character and integrity over time.
Unfortunately, many wives no longer want to submit and grant this personal authority because society at large is saying that the husband is increasingly irrelevant in the home. In our post-modern, so called enlightened age, women can now achieve anything a man can and submission is viewed as a weakness.
However, Jesus shows us a different model in His relationship to the Father and to us. Jesus teaches men to lead, develop and care for their spouse as a shepherd does his flock. This is illustrated through various scriptures in the Bible. Jesus modeled this because He did not impose His positional authority as Lord and Savior who created everything, and instead only exercised the personal authority that an individual gave Him over their lives. Once you submit to giving Jesus personal authority over your life, He blesses you in the following ways:
Heal (Pr 27:23) Guide (Ps 23) Nourish (Ps 23)
Cast Vision (Ps 77:20) Defend (Ps 78:70-72) Nurture (Isaiah 40:11)
Teach (Je 3:14-15) Intercede (Ez 34:7) Pursue (Ez 34:11)
Enforce (Ez 34:19) Sacrifice (Jn 10:11-15) Provide (Jn 21:15- 17)
Cast Vision (Ps 77:20) Vigilance (Acts 20:8) Equip (He 13:20-21)
Model (1 Pe 5:2-4)
This is just a partial list of the way Jesus loves us. Ephesians 5:25 reads, “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..” This means that everything Jesus does for us, a Husband is to do for their wives! This is certainly a tall order and not achievable apart from the Holy Spirit. It is also not achievable unless the wife grants her husband that personal authority that Jesus asks of us.
This is not easy for wives because it means submitting to their husband in ways that society frowns upon. The worldly concept of submission is that it is subservient, defeatist, and admitting weakness. But the biblical definition is that it takes faith, strength of character and love. Submitting to the husband means granting him the personal authority in her life that will activate the full blessings of God in the marriage. A wife’s husband can be her prophet, priest and king but the process of him becoming that takes time. She must help him through encouragement and applying her skills and abilities in a way that is uplifting to the husband and not denigrating.
A wife is her husband’s help mate. He cannot do it without her but also she cannot hope to live out her call and election in Christ Jesus without him.
